I want to stick my p in your. b.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
