I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
