I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
