This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
