god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
