I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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