I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
