i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
