You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
