so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
