dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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