He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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