oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
