From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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