woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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