U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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