they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
