alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
