Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
