Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
