Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
