Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
smell my finger.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
