I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
