my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
