I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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