and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We left the knife in your bed.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
