Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
