oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
