I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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