don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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