ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
birth control should be required to get into college
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
