We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My vagina is officially offended.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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