Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
