kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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