who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
