youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
whose parrot is this?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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