Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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