Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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