matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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