Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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