i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
