from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
