I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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