ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
