dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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