so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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