Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
