I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
