When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
