i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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