It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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